My Darling Rob, I cannot believe that five years have passed since you left us. So much has happened that I would love to share with you. We were not home yesterday, which was the actual date; however, first thing this morning, as we got back into town, we went to your Place and freshened things up. You now have a new Gold Star Flag flying, along with a new Army flag, and the American flag. Grandma spruced up your Christmas wreath, so it is looking good, too. There are two other OIF veterans buried close to you, and one of them, Josh, doesn't have any family in the area - or, at least, we don't think so, because his Place always looks so uncared for. So we placed a new American flag on his Place today, too.

We passed by your Cross in Texas the other day. It is looking pretty weather-worn, so your Dad is putting together a whole new cross (flags and all), and the next time we are through there, he will place a new cross where you died. Grandma made you an new wreath for there, too.

Grandma made all kinds of goodies this year - all of our favorites, and Christmas dinner will be at our house. Wish so much you could be here to enjoy it with us, and just to see you again. The war in Iraq has been declared to be over, and all of the troops will be out of there by the first of the year, but you will not be coming home. I miss you so much. Love you.

We just walked through the door from our weekly run. All day yesterday ceremonies remembering the events of September 11, 2001, were held across the country, and even across the world. As I sit here in the wee hours of the morning, I want to write down a few thoughts.

September 11, 2001, was a Tuesday morning, and Ron and I were getting ready to leave on our weekly run to Harrisburg, PA, for FedEx Ground. We drive team. As part of our preparations to leave, we turned on the television to check out the weather, and the TV was on CNN. It was just a few minutes after 9:00 a.m. We heard the breaking news report of an airliner jet hitting the North Tower of the World Trade Center, and as my jaw dropped open, we watched the second plane hit the South Tower. Stunned with shock and disbelief, I sank and sat down on the edge of the coffee table (something I never do). Tears flowed from my eyes as I watched the towers collapse and heard reports of the plane hitting the Pentagon and another plane crashing in Pennsylvania. I knew we were under attack. Just then the phone rang, and our boss was on the line, asking if we had been watching the news. No one knew what this day would bring or what else would happen, and he offered us the option of not leaving on our run. After a brief discussion, Ron and I decided that, come what may, we would be found at our posts, doing our jobs, and we told Norm we would be leaving on our run on schedule. His last words to us were "keep your tanks full."  Good advice, indeed, because many truck stops were closed that week, fearful of being attacked.

Several months later, I heard a new song on the radio, sung by Alan Jackson, asking where we were on that September day. Tears flow down my face to this day, every time I hear it. It asks in part "did you shout out in anger or fear for your neighbor?" I will tell you that, as I sat on the edge of that coffee table, fear gripped my heart and I had a knot in the pit of my stomach as I realized we were under attack, because I knew what that meant. I felt overwhelming fear - for my sons. My youngest son Robert and my two son-in-laws were all active duty Army, and I knew that it was them who would answer this call. It was them who would be called upon to make good on the obligation they made to stand in defense of home and country, and it was them who would stand between us and those who had attacked us. And it was our family, among others, who was chosen to bear the bitter-sweet title of "Gold Star Family". Ten years ago yesterday the Twin Towers fell, and Robert has been dead almost five years now. I miss my son so much - more than words can say - but I am so proud that he and his brothers were brave enough to answer that call to arms. Robert told me many times "Mom I am over here being a target, so that they are not at home coming after you."

Robert was deployed to Korea when the war started, and he was so upset because his brother-in-law was there when Baghdad fell and he was not, but Robert got his chance, too. Robert deployed to Afghanistan and then to Iraq. I had the precious opportunity to ask Robert just before he died how many times in Iraq his life had been in immediate, imminent danger, and he told me he would have to get back to me with a number. The next day, he told me that, as near as he could remember, 36 times. Thirty-six times my HERO laid his life on the line in defense of all that he held dear. I know that his story is not unusual. Our brave men and women lay their lives on the line each day, and I am so proud of them. I love each and every one of them, and I am so grateful for men and women of courage and conviction, who are willing to stand up to bullies and defend us from harm. Thank you, each and every one of you. Thank you.

God Bless our Troops, and God Bless AMERICA!!!

My Darling Robert, I am just mindblown that you have been gone four years. Can it really be true? I think of you every day, and miss you, and wish you were here. So much has changed since you left us, and yet nothing has changed. Life has moved on, yet you still live in the memories of your family, and every time we are together, there you are with us. You are always a part of the conversation - stuff you used to do, things you would have said - and I can see your smiling face in the back of my mind, laughing at the stuff we say and do.

I spent December 11th at the Phoenix National Memorial Cemetery, laying wreaths and thinking of you. Old Guard Riders is now the sponsoring organization for Wreaths Across America at that cemetery, and your Dad and I were responsible for putting the ceremony together and presenting it. We had 350 people in attendance from many organizations and 350 wreaths to be laid on veterans' graves. No one except a grieving mother is really interested in another memorial service, but this ceremony honors all veterans all across the U.S., and it is just a week shy of YOUR DAY. To me, it will always be about you.

Old Guard Riders is growing nicely. We now have over 700 members in 22 states, and a Facebook account!! You would have loved Facebook. Your picture is my Facebook profile picture, and you would not believe the number of little Hotties that want to be my friend!! Pretty cute profile pics too! Too bad for you Rob!!! lol

See? It's so hard to believe that you are gone. Miss you, my Darling Rob.